Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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