Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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