The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you inspire me to be a worse person
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
