I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
