You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
