so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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