This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
