i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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