I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
