so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
