good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
