I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
