I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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