Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
