so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
