I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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