I want to have your abortion
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
