i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
