I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
