So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
