ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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