What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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