chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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