Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
