If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
