She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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