I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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