My friends, they love my intelligence
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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