I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
