Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
She needs sedatives and a leash
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
