and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
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