Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am naked and annoyed.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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