you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
