Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
