Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
