Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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