It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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