pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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