The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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