sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
