I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
