we have pet lesbian snakes
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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