Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
