My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
