she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
