You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
