You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
