My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize