I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
