i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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