Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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