11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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