there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
