I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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