Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
