I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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