I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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