eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Randomize
