I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
