My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
