I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
