Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
