u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
