Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
