And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
