Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
